Helpful Resources As You Navigate Loss.
Where to begin after a pregnancy loss?
Let’s start with simple words: Sorry, friend.
If you’re here, you are probably a part of a very unfortunate club of women who have walked through miscarriage, pregnancy or infant loss. We’re here to encourage you that you’re not alone. One in four pregnancies end this way. We’ve been there and we are very sorry for your loss.
We need to be clear right off the bat; we believe that Jesus Christ is holding our children in heaven as we speak. We want you to know right away that HE LOVES YOU and we don’t think that Jesus took your child. Our goal here is to push you back to Christ and help you experience His hope and His love in this difficult time. For us, it was the only way to get through the excruciating pain learning of our children’s death, walking through delivery, services, burial, and all the casseroles. We had husbands to deal with who were grieving and little children at home that were just old enough to see what was happening and asking us for understanding.
Foreknown Ministries is a place where you can experience practical advice on how to get through pregnancy or infant loss. You may not want to hear it right now, but you will get through it and you are not alone, we are here to walk through this with you.
Below, we have information to guide you to some answers to choices you’re going to have to make in the days ahead.
NOTE: the information presented is done so with the utmost love and care. Sometimes certain words seem harsh or difficult but our heart is to assist you the best ways we can through the difficulties of pregnancy and infant loss. Please forgive us in advance if anything looks insensitive. It’s also important to note that we do not recommend doing anything against medical advice and we are here to share our story and not supersede any doctor or hospital recommendations.
This is like our loss playbook. We update and add to it often. If you need more help, feel free to text us the word “help” at 719-626-8486 and our team will connect with you.
Hospital Decisions After Miscarriage
When you lose a child, there are several decisions that you’ll need to make before leaving the hospital. While this list isn’t exhaustive, it covers the major decisions you’ll need to make after losing a child in pregnancy or infant loss.
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Depending on the duration of your child’s gestation (usually hospitals classify this as “under or over 20 weeks,”) there are options for you and your spouse to consider with your child’s remains.
If your child is under 20 weeks, many hospitals offer a group service. In these, they care for your baby’s remains and invite you and your support group (spouse, family, etc) to a service usually held quarterly with others who have lost their children.
In your child was over 20 weeks, the hospital will ask you to coordinate with a funeral home to assist in a funeral, memorial or burial. You can learn more about choosing a funeral home and our experiences here.
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“Why” is always the question we want the answer to. Regardless of gestation, most hospitals allow and recommend a pathology examination.
Some other tests you may consider would be genetic testing or an autopsy to answer why your baby passed. You have a choice on whether you would like these tests to be performed on your child. You’re in control of your child’s level of examination.
Most tests produce results that you’ll receive either at your postpartum visit with your doctor or within six-weeks.
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Most hospitals have internal partners that will provide you a box with remembrance items for your child. These range from handprint molds to photos. While you may be in deep pain, may we encourage you to do some of these things. We highly recommend photos, as hard as they are to look at later. We would hate for you to miss out on the opportunity for you to participate in these things.
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As you move forward beyond your loss, naming your child may be helpful as a remembrance to-do. Some of our friends with multiple losses have had to call them “loss #2” verses “Lennox.” While this may be difficult under these circumstances, we recommend it nonetheless.
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The hardest thing for you will be leaving the hospital with your child still there. We want to pray for you as you walk through this as we’ve been there ourselves. Please send us a prayer request and we will pray for you.
What Questions Do You Have?
We know you may have a thousand more questions. We’re here for you. You can either fill out this form and our team will get back to you ASAP or you can text “help” to 719-626-8486 and one of our team will support you.
Now that you’ve gone through the pain, we’re here to help you process, heal and get healthy.
We’ll walk that road together, in time.
For now, take one of these steps to connect to hope after loss.
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