All Time is a Loan
I’ve always liked TobyMac, his music, his messages and certainly his shows. When I heard about the sudden death of his 21-year-old son Truett Foster McKeehan in October 2019, I, like the rest of his fans, joined him in mourning.
In just three short months, TobyMac wrote and create a beautiful tribute to his son called 21 Years. He wrestled with many questions, created this song, and really focused on thanking the Lord for the loan of time that he had with his son. All of it, a gift. Check it out:
As a father who has lost a son, I join TobyMac in wrestling with many, many questions. Here are a few takeaways to consider:
Men Grieve
Woke up 'cause the light poured in
Day two let the flood begin
Day one left me in my bed (In my bed)
I can barely remember it
Heart shattered in a thousand ways
They tell me pain gonna come in waves
They tell me I'm gonna be okay
I'm still waitin' for the first to breakWe live in a weird world. While some would say that gone are the days of manly men and the ability to cut off your finger and “walk-it-off”, real men grieve, they cry, they let it out. Sometimes they even scream at God. David was a man after God’s own heart and there are several Psalms where David is just crying out to the Lord. Check out Psalm 4:1 or the most famous Psalm 23:
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever.Men, it’s okay to cry. Fight the urge to try to “be strong” when you need to be weak and just weep. You could wash a car with the amount of tears I’ve cried and He’s always been there to comfort me through it.
Men Have a Lot of Questions
Why would You give and then take him away?
Suddenly end, could You not let it fade?//
Is it just across the Jordan?
Or a city in the stars?
Are you singin' with the angels?
Are you happy where you are?//
Did he see You from a long way off (Did he see you?)
Runnin' to him with a father's heart? (Runnin' to him)
Did You wrap him up inside Your arms
And let him know that he's home?This song offers TobyMac’s glimpse of some of the questions he’s been wrestling with since his death. I think we all have natural questions that we want answers to, some we can get through prayer and some that will be answered when we get to heaven. Questions are more than okay to ask and you’ll wrestle with several of them in loss. The ones you have immediately after are different than the ones you have years later. I encourage you to keep a journal and write them down. You’ll know the ones I’m talking about because they’ll continually pop-up.
I’d be willing to bet the questions you have are the same ones other men wrestle with too. Leave us know the questions you have in the comments below. It may help others process too.
God Love Us, Jesus Gives Hope
Well, until this show is over
And you run into my arms
God has you in Heaven
But I have you in my heartThat last line is so powerful, “God has you in Heaven, But I have you in my heart.” I’ll never forget my son. TobyMac got to spend 21 years with his son on earth, I got two days with my son after my wife delivered his stillborn body. No matter the duration we get to spend with our children, Jesus gives us hope we will see them again.
When Paul is comforting the church in Thessalonica about the return of Christ, he says “Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord.” - 1 Thessalonians 4:17 (emphasis mine). When we die, we will be reunited with those loved ones and other believers in heaven because of what Jesus accomplished on the cross.
Even David lived in hope that we will see our children again. In 2 Samuel 12, David fasts and prays while his infant son is sick and dying. After he dies, however, he stops fasting and says “But now he is dead; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him , but he shall not return to me.” - 2 Samual 12:23 (emphasis mine). When we put our trust in Jesus, we can be assured that we will be with our children in heaven again.
I can’t wait to get to heaven, whenever that is. I know that this world is not my home and I can’t wait to be with my Savior, my son and two other children I’ve never met. There’s so much hope in heaven for us. As believers, we get the opportunity to be reunited with people that have gone before us. We typically reserve this hope for those “old people” that have died before us (naturally) but when it’s our kids, we sometimes forget that this pain, this distance and this time apart is short— short in view of eternity.
Gratitude
I think one of the most important things to remember in a difficult time is that Jesus never left you. He’s been right there beside you. He didn’t abandon you. He shows you His love in different ways. Through supportive friends and family, through provision and through revelation in prayer, Jesus has been walking with you in grief.
Our children and the time we get with them is a gift. They are on loan to us as the song states:
21 years makes a man full-grown
21 years, what a beautiful loan
21 years, I love every one
Thank You, Lord, for my beautiful sonWe have to remember two important things, that this world is not our home and that our kids are not really our own. We should live in a state of gratitude for the time that we have with them and the hope that we will spend eternity in heaven with them worshipping Jesus.
What speaks to you in His Word or this song? Leave a comment below.
