Three Steps to Overcome Your Disappointment
My wife and I have had 6 pregnancies and we have one child— dealing with disappointment has been a thing we’ve had to engage with in our marriage. I’ve talked to many men who have had multiple miscarriages in their marriages and they’ve all wanted to know how to overcome disappointment. Shoot, I did too. I’m not one to just sit and get punched in the face over and over, so I really looked at how you can overcome disappointment.
Here are three places to start.
Be honest
Be honest with your emotions, particularly with God. I have thousands of notes on my phone that were just thoughts I needed to write down and pray through with God. Some were fast, and some I’m still wrestling through. I needed to tell God what I was feeling so He could help me work on it. If I can’t articulate it to Him, how can I handle it? What am I really feeling? Name it.
You also need to be honest with your spouse, as best you can. Brené Brown says “To be clear is kind.” She was talking about business, but it works in a lot of areas in life, especially with your spouse. Simple phrases like “I don’t know,” or “I’m angry” can allow your spouse to know that you’re hurting and you’re working on your emotions. (Hint: if you don’t know what you’re feeling, that’s okay. Try writing that down and then adding words to where you are.)
2. Turn to Truth
Scripture is full of wisdom, but I don’t expect you to walk around with a Bible all day. Oh, wait, yes I do. Download the YouVersion Bible App and you’ll have the whole Word on your phone. They have incredible verses of the day, guided prayers, and bible plans we can do together.
“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”- Hebrews 4:12
Emotions aren’t true. I walked around a long time angry, but come to find out that’s how I handled everything. Yes, everything. It took a great deal of counseling for me to understand that and try to work my way out of that emotion. We live in an emotional world where people are changing because they feel like something. God created you and me and then gave us Jesus as His Word to point us north. He knew that sometimes we’d be emotional and needed something outside us, politics and even religion to guide us. God’s Word does that.
3. Have an eternal outlook
I recently took my daughter rollerskating and I kept telling her to look up. When you look down, you fall, lose your balance and run into walls. I want you to have an eternal perspective. Putting your faith in Jesus allows you to have an outlook greater than your pain, circumstances, or even your life.
Paul said:
“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 3:13-14
His outlook was eternal. He wrote those verses in a Roman prison, which by all accounts was beyond horrible.
To overcome your disappointment, you have to focus on these three things so that you don’t live in pain. Being honest allows you to own your journey and work out your feelings with God. Turning to Scripture will fill your mind with the truth when your emotions want to lead you to the third beer. When you realize that the pain that you’re experiencing is temporary (not to mention that your kids are with Jesus in Heaven and you’ll get to see them one day), you live with hope.
Need more support? Here are your next two steps:
Sign up for your 7 Days of Hope Emails so you can start processing your pain. These daily emails will guide you through pain and point you towards a path of hope. After your seven days are over, you’ll get a weekly email designed to help you on your healing journey with encouragement, connection, and helpful scriptures as you heal.
Start the Your Journey to Joy Course. This self-guided course will connect you to Foreknown Co-Founders Alyson and Kelsi as they lead you on a journey through your pain. This content has helped hundreds of women find hope, create a plan, and start a process of healing after pregnancy loss with Jesus.
