How to Have Hope Through The Holidays
As we begin this week of Thanksgiving and we look towards the coming of Christmas, it can be a hard season for a grieving parent. Our society pressures us to have a “holly, jolly” outlook during this season…but what if we don’t feel like. What if we don’t know if we can even be happy? What if we are dreading the holidays? That is ok.
What you’ve been through requires all the strength you can muster to take one step forward, yet alone walk into the holidays with gratitude. Rest assured that you are not required to be happy this holiday season. You are not a bad person for struggling to find hope or something you are grateful for.
So how do we survive this holiday? Below are three tips from our women’s digital support group and our dear friend Kristin Hernandez from Sunlight in December on how to navigate this season.
Give yourself permission to call this hard.
It is ok that this season is hard and you don’t have to buy into our societi’s ideal outlook for the season. Your grief isn’t a conflict with the season, but it can point you forward during this season. As believers, we grieve with hope and that hope shapes how we grieve. Let yourself feel your emotions this season.
Communicate with others and make a plan.
Lead with what you need from your spouse and family. What are some of the events you want to say “yes” to and “no” to? Set your boundaries and come up with a plan from there. Once you and your spouse have decided on that plan, bring your family into that. Front-load them by telling them when you’ll be at an event and for how long. But also, give yourself permission to change that plan the day of. We all know grief comes in waves, so if you wake up on Thanksgiving and can’t stomach the thought of being with family for a whole day, don’t. Give yourself permission to change plans and adjust according to how you and your spouse are feeling that day.
Have a code word or signal when you are ready to get out! This can look like a predetermined phrase or a hand squeeze that will signify to your spouse that you either need help in a situation or you are ready to leave. You don’t have to let anyone else in on your word/gesture, but it is a respected and honored indicator that you need to change something.
Shift your focus.
What does Christmas really mean to us as believers? It is the anticipation of Jesus coming to win the war against death. Death is our enemy and Christ came to earth to defeat death and he won. Because he defeated death, our babies are thriving in heaven with God and are unhindered by the sin of this world any longer. And while we are still here and longing for the day when Christ returns, we sing “O come, O come to Emanuel” with a different perspective. A perspective of longing for the day when sin is defeated and we are reunited in heaven with our children and our savior.
Take heart as you go into this holiday season, resting on the truth that this season is for you even if you don’t feel the joy and excitement that our society proclaims we should feel. God sees you. He sees your heart and He is sitting with you in that still, quiet place. Grieving and holding you as long as you need to stay there.
Don’t put pressure on yourself to do or be a certain way. Be you; be where you need to be and know that the world is a better place because of how you were created and designed - a unique reflection of the God of the universe.
Check out Kristin Hernandez’s new Advent Journal for Hurting Hearts.
If your heart is heavy this Christmas, it may feel as if your sorrow stands in conflict with the joyous sights and sounds of the season. Whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one or the loss of a dream, grief need not be a dark shadow cast over a celebratory time of year, but rather a catalyst to remind us of the true meaning of advent and the hope we hold because of the very first Christmas.
Hope When the Holidays Hurt features 25 days of:
Devotional reflections on themes such as hope, peace, and joy
Scriptures for further study
Journal prompts and space to write reflections on what God is teaching you in this season
Purchase it on Amazon today by following the link below the image.
