Honor Without Kids
These Hallmark holidays (you know, the ones that they manufactured to sell more cards, chocolates, jewelry or power tools) can really sting. (Okay, okay, they can be beneficial, keep reading). While I appreciate the thought behind Father’s Day, it’s one filled with mixed emotions. It’s easier now that I have a child here on this side of Heaven, but I remember the days before Kennedy when others were being recognized for being a Father and that’s all I wanted.
We need to remember on days like Father’s Day that there are men out there who do yearn to be daddies. They dream of princess costume parties or t-ball games. They want their “little man” or “princess,” but for one reason or another, it hasn’t happened. They may even feel like “yet” is slipping away over time.
The picture accompanied with this article was taken of me at my son Lennox’s funeral. There, in that little box is my fifth loss and for sure my second son. It represents crushed dreams, unmet expectations and yes, yet another child I’ll need to wait to meet. At that moment, I felt like I was burying yet another part of me that I desperately wanted to explore and know. How to be a daddy to a son is something that I’ve wanted. I’m still waiting to see if that will ever happen.
This Father’s Day, I want you to know that I really don’t know what to feel. I’m thankful of my daughter honoring me and thanking me for being her daddy, but I sometimes lose sight of “what could have been” over the “what’s here and now.” I have a daughter and she’s awesome. I need to focus on her and how to best love her. Quite frankly, having her helps numb the pain of our other losses.
I have a good friend Michael, who lives states away. He and his wife are amazing and desperately want children. They would be incredible parents. They are amazing with kids, serve in the children’s ministry and are full of love. They have tried and tried to get pregnant; visited specialists and even moved back home to be closer to family so they can support them as they continue to seek God and have a child. And I know that Father’s Day is a punch in the gut for him. Here’s what I want him to know:
“Bro,
I see you.
I stand with you.
I’m here for you.
I’m sorry for your pain,
the waiting in your journey.
God has a plan and a purpose.
It’s not cliche, but will show up someday.
I stand with you.
I pray for you.
I see you.
I love you. ”
If you’re like Michael, I want you to know that you’re not alone on this journey.
I’m sorry for your unfulfilled dreams.
I’m sorry for the “When are you going to have kids” questions.
I’m sorry for the awkwardness of “will all the Father’s please stand up” part of a church service.
I’m sorry for the deep, inner pain that you feel when you see kids running up to their daddies and hugging them.
You Deserve Honor, Too.
What if we looked at Father’s Day as an opportunity to honor men? Sure, you’re supposed to have a child to be a Father, however, there’s so much more that we can honor men for on this day. For example:
Holding your wife’s hand at yet another doctor’s appointment where you get bad news is honorable.
Caring for your wife when she’s started another period (instead of being pregnant) is honorable.
Holding your wife when the pregnancy test is negative is honorable.
Talking to others about how you’re feeling, even if you don’t know what you’re feeling, is honorable.
Staying is honorable.
Men, this Father’s Day, I choose to stand with you and honor you, despite where your “kids” are. Whether they are on earth giving you a hug, in heaven waiting with Jesus or not yet calling you “daddy” because you’re in the waiting, you deserve honor. Keep going, friend. God see's your heart, your commitment to your spouse and knows the desires of your heart. You need encouragement and so today, I choose to honor you.
Happy Father’s Day.
