How To Support Adult Children After They Experience a Miscarriage or Pregnancy Loss
Being a parent is a blessing, and becoming a grandparent is a double blessing. It is a joy to watch your own children grow up, get married, and start a family of their own. Unfortunately, sometimes your adult child and their spouse will have a pregnancy that ends in loss.
No matter how old your child is, be it 25 or 40 years old, they are still your child, and when they hurt, your heart hurts for them too.
When you first learn your adult child has lost their child
First and foremost, when you hear the pain-filled news of your adult child’s pregnancy loss, it will hit you hard. Not only could you feel immense grief and pain for your child and their spouse, but you will also experience your own grief at the loss of becoming a new grandparent.
As a parent, it is important to allow your child to grieve how they need to, just as it is important for you to grieve in a way that is personal for you! It is ok for your child to see your pain as well, but be cognizant that the focus needs to be on the parents.
How to respond when your adult child loses their child to miscarriage or pregnancy loss
Love them and let them know how devastated you are for them
Ask them as a couple how you can be the best support to them
If you live far from them, ask if they would like you to come to help them
If they have other children, offer to spend time with the grandkids as this loss will affect the children too, as their mommy and daddy will be very sad
Offer to do their household tasks so that the mother can let her body heal and rest after losing the pregnancy.
Offer to be there to support, pray for, and encourage them in any way that you can – but only if they want you to be there
Offer to help with any funeral arrangements if needed
Never get offended if your adult child and their spouse don’t want you to be with them, don’t take it personally. Grieving couples sometimes will prefer to grieve together without any other family or friends present for a while, and that is ok. Give them space to process and grieve in their own way, but let them know you are there any time they need you.
What NOT to do when your adult child loses their child to miscarriage or pregnancy loss
If your adult child has experienced a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, it can be easy to respond out of your own grief, anger, or other emotions. When supporting your adult child, it is important to approach them with tenderness and thoughtfulness.
Do not say things like:
“Well at least you were only a 1 month along, you can easily get pregnant again”
“God must have needed another angel in heaven”
“Things happen for a reason, and there must have been something wrong with the baby”
If they already have had another child, do not say things like:
“Well at least you know you can have children”
“Did your doctor tell you why you lost the baby? Was there something you could have done to prevent it?”
You mean well and want to encourage your child, but statements like those listed above are not helpful, and sound like you are trying to ease their pain by reasoning, while making their loss trivial. Careless comments can end up making the couple feel like failures or feel like you are minimizing their grief.
6 Ways you can support and encourage your adult child and their spouse after a pregnancy loss
Be there for them, as much as they want you to be – don’t force your way into their grief. Instead, let them know you are there for them
Ask them if they would like for you to find some pregnancy loss resources in their area
Take care of tangible things such as chores, watching kids, etc.
Make a few of their favorite meals to take to them, or arrange a meal train to bless them for a few weeks (but only if they are ok with meals being delivered)
Be available to talk, listen and pray with them when they reach out for encouragement or advice
Let them grieve in their own way, in their own time and never rush them through the grief process.
Lastly, remember that your adult child is God’s child too and He loves them even more than you do. He is the God of comfort, as it says in Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” You can’t heal your child or their spouse's pain, but you can pray for God to comfort them in their loss.
Need more support? Here are your next steps:
Text “4Help” to 719.626.8486 to connect with a parent who’s been in your shoes.
Download the Where Do I Go From Here e-Book to equip you with tools to process your loss.
Start the Your Journey to Joy Course. This self-guided course will connect you to Foreknown Co-Founders Alyson and Kelsi as they lead you on a journey through your pain. This content has helped hundreds of women find hope, create a plan, and start a process of healing after pregnancy loss with Jesus.
