When God Doesn’t Answer Prayers
Let’s talk about something that’s really hard in life: what do we do when God doesn’t answer prayers? This is one of life’s greatest mysteries, and in the moments of hard times, it is more difficult to see the reasons.
One of the hardest times I’ve prayed in my life was when we couldn’t find a heartbeat at 37 weeks into our pregnancy with our son. My hard prayer time started when the countless ultrasound techs and our own doctor were searching for a heartbeat. The silence was deafening, and the news was devastating.
After sharing what happened with a few key friends and family, our home quickly filled with people praying earnestly for us, for life, and for our son Whitson. These are the types of prayers the Spirit offers up to God as discussed in Romans 8:26. We don’t know what we’re asking, but we just want His presence to be with us and our situation to change.
Sometimes prayers are answered. Shoot, I’m in this position because He answered a ton of prayers. You know the ones— Kelsi becoming my wife, positive pregnancy tests after months of trying, etc. Sometimes, however, our prayers are not answered. Despite these absences of our wishes, I’ve learned that He is near us and gives us what we need.
What does this look like? Peace.
The following morning, there was peace as we delivered our perfect-looking son.
There was peace among the staff at the hospital.
There was peace when our parents arrived.
There was peace as we walked through a service and burial the following week.
Looking back, there was relative peace in those days. That peace, however, lasted a while, but when I started processing through pain, it didn’t pass all understanding, as Paul promises us in Philippians 4:6. Why didn’t God answer my prayer? Why didn’t he answer yours? How could a loving Father take what I desperately wanted? That doesn’t sound like love (and we could go on and on about the painful questions we have for God).
If you look at David in the Bible, a story that hits too close to home is his lamenting of the son he had with Bathsheba. “David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground.” 2 Samuel 12:16. I’ve been there. I wanted desperately to hear my son’s cry when he was born. But what does David do? Once he found out about his son’s death, he cleaned himself up and worshiped (see 2 Samuel 12:20).
In the New Testament, Paul prays three times for the Lord to remove a thorn in his flesh. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) Thankfully for us, Paul documents Jesus telling him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthian 12:9)
So what do we do when God doesn’t answer our prayers? Do we get ticked off and walk away from Him? Do we worship Him? Do we change our perceptions of His love for us or think He’s against us? I suppose those are reactions you’re entitled to, but at the end of the day, that doesn’t make God any less real, loving, or absent in the midst of your pain. He gives us His grace so we can get through the immediate trauma of the event and then shows us His power, walking with us patiently through the stages of grief.
Does it mean I can be mad at him? Absolutely. Much like our earthly parents, healthy conflict allows us to be mad and process. Just remember that who you’re mad is is perfect and created you and all that’s around you. You're a human, He is God. He’s everywhere and all-knowing. We just happen to be people on a rock in space trying not to lose our stuff today. He doesn’t have to learn and grow trying to parent or make mistakes, as sometimes our earthly parents did. Shoot, just this morning I was having to apologize to my daughter about mistakes I made in reacting to her behavior as she's learning and growing. God doesn't have my issues.
In the end, when God doesn’t answer our prayers, He gives us a way to handle any level of letdown. His name is Jesus. He's the one joining us in the living room and paying on our behalf. His prayers may just be different than ours.
We may be praying, "Let me have my son." He may be praying, "Give them peace."
We pray, "let us get pregnant." He prays, "Give them strength to endure the waiting."
How do we handle unanswered prayers?
When we don't get answers to our prayers in our way, here are three ways to overcome:
By Praying- keep talking to Jesus! Spend time talking to the One who can answer your questions, handle your concerns, and loves you. Shoot, He created you! He knows the situation, and He certainly can see the outcome. Stick with that hope!
By Seeking Truth in Scripture- “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” Psalms 145:18 NIV There’s no more confusing time in our lives than when we are grieving. It’s a time full of intense emotions. I think that’s why people feel like God is absent. I don’t think he is absent; I believe the emotions of grief are just overpowering. For a season, you may have to take your emotions to scripture and see if they align or not. In the end, you get to choose whether or not those emotions are God-given or self-soothing.
By Not Being Alone- Be around other’s who have been in the battle you’ve been in and come out the way you want to. Your crazy aunt who holds a grudge about everything isn’t the best source of comfort and truth in hard times. Neither is social media or your friend with crazy conspiracy theories. Be around those who want what’s best for you and the healing of Jesus. Be surrounded by voices of positive influence rooted in something deeper than your feelings. You wouldn’t go on an all-night bender with your friend from college who’s been divorced three times when you’re having marriage problems (I hope not anyway). Look at their life and the fruit it’s producing. Be around those who love you, truly love Jesus, and are grounded in their faith and trust in Him.
At Foreknown, we are excited to help you with all of the above. We’re here to pray for you. We operate off the truth's found in scripture and have wrestled with our emotions (and frankly, lost it a bunch). If you’re alone, and don’t have those positive people I mentioned, you do now.
Hi. I’m Ryan, as are our amazing team of Jesus-connected, grief-overcomers. Together, we can walk through this. I also know some really cool women close to Jesus who are around to help your wife. Together, we are all here to help you survive, process through this pain, and see the goodness that can come through unanswered prayers. It’s a hard road, I can promise you that, but it’s powerfully worth it.
If you’re a guy and need help, like right now, text “men” to 719.626.8486 and I’ll see it. If your wife needs help, have her text “♥️” to that same number, and our team will respond. No joke. There’s a person on the other side ready to pray for you and help you heal! If we’re not available (it may take a minute or two), do you know who is? Jesus. Pray. He wants to hear from you.
By God not answering my prayers that day, I got to directly benefit from a new level of closeness and reliance on our relationship. I got to see Him work through the close relationships He's given me in my life. My wife and I grew so close that there's nothing we can't handle. My heart's changed to what's truly important in life. He's given me so many more blessings and opportunities to continue to be loved by Him and in the other hard times since, I got to turn to Him and they weren't nearly as debilitating.
You, too, can grow in your relationship with God during these hard times. I pray you do so when the next major life milestone happens so you can continue to trust in Him.
Feel free to reach out via text or leave a comment below if you have any questions. We’d love to serve you!
