A Brother’s Story: “A Secret Kept for Decades”

My mother never wanted to share her story while she was alive. In fact, I didn't even know she was bearing this loss until I ran across something unique on my own birth certificate. I am one of 4 children - or so I thought until I saw my birth certificate. In the section where it asked my mom how many pregnancies have you had, it stated three live births and one under the statement "death of a child at any age". I was shocked and saddened all at the same time. Why didn't my mother tell me? Did my siblings know? 

In my parent’s generation they "just didn't talk about those things" - women and men grieved in silence. Was it a sign of weakness? There are so many unanswered questions. 

The grief that overcomes you at the loss of a pregnancy or miscarriage comes in so many forms. Although I had no knowledge of the situation - I wanted to grieve for her - I only wished I could have grieved with her while she was alive. She didn't have to carry this burden alone. 

My parents were married for 60 years. They lived through wartime and the great depression and the stories were amazing! Why couldn't they talk about the loss of this child? I can only imagine the pain was too deep - too personal to share at that time. Grief is personal. I recognize you can't go through it for someone else. You can only stand by and with them as they walk their grief journey, praying that each step you take together will give them new hope that takes away just a little piece of their darkness - so you can walk in the light together.

Sometimes death brings life. Throughout the Bible, there are stories about how other lives changed through a death - most significantly the most sacrificial death of all - Christ dying on the cross to save our sins.

Currently, I get up before the dawn - like my dad did to pray for all of those I know. What keeps me going is knowing - the story doesn't end there. Christ is the greatest witness of how death brings new life through His resurrection. This is not to say that loss is necessary, but to say that loss forever changed who I am - to live a Godly life - so that death has meaning for myself and those around me. Now it's up to me to pay it forward and be the voice for my mother who couldn't find the words.